I took my life back; I will no longer be a slave to my emotions, and I will not let the actions of another human dictate my self worth anymore. I feel like a powerful strong woman. I did everything I could to cope with the deep unhappiness I was feeling; hypnosis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=homCjAv0G70
I wrote a letter to the universe:
Dear Universe, please help. I am sad, and confused. I am obsessed with a man who seems to be holding onto me but doesn't seem to want me anymore, and it hurts. Help me come to terms with the loss I feel. Help me accept the relationship for what it is or help me move on. Dear Universe, do you have a plan for me? Is this a door closing to allow another to open? I feel an emptiness inside me. I miss the closeness I once felt with this friend and I am struggling to let go. I have become obsessed with him and crave his affections. It seems my happiness is contingent upon his attention and affections. HELP. I am paranoid, perhaps for good reason: does he have another woman he adores in his life and he himself cannot let go, but knows it is wrong to be with me simultaneously? Please give me a sign. Please show me what must be done. I need to stop feeling this way.
I chanted to the owl asking for guidance and clarity:
I open my heart and soul to the truth.
And ask that my life’s journey be illuminated before me,
I ask for the wisdom to see.
Even in the darkness of life’s challenges.
And the ability to manifest my true path.
I took his advice and wrote down all of the pluses and minuses for staying in this unhappy friendship:
Pluses for staying:
Not having to deal with the loss of losing him right away.
Minuses:
Feeling-
Rejected, paranoid, unappreciated, vulnerable, foolish, and used.
I didn’t turn to the affections of another man to distract me from the pain. I faced the pain head on and looked for the solution. I turned to a female friend for advice and comfort, someone who could relate to my experience. A man could never give me this purge, his motives would not be pure, he would make every effort to seduce me and take advantage of my weakness. Instead I became strong and resilient.
I did whatever it took to battle it out and to conquer my emotions; and it was the first time in my life I have achieved this. I feel like I had a major breakthrough, like anytime my emotions get the better of me again, I will have the tools to cope. I am so grateful for the experience because I can use it for the rest of my life.
