Acceptance

Since the storm had passed, the air like Betty’s heart had turned colder. The season was changing and her days kayaking on the pond would soon be over, Betty thanked the sun for distracting her mind from the sadness in her heart. She paddled a little faster and harder than usual to warm her body,  and was soon cruising under the bridge and into the little harbor. Her favorite boat, ‘The Idiot’, was gone, and she wondered if it was stored away in a boat yard under a cover or if, it like the ospreys, was planning on spending the winter in southern waters. 

Regardless, it was gone from her life, as was Yatish, and she had finally accepted it. Finally, she could celebrate their love affair, finally she could imagine herself in the arms of another man, and finally she could cry and know that she was not crying for Yatish, but for all of the reasons she had needed him and those reasons, her longing, still existed and would continue to until she could find a solution; and she was determined not to give up searching. There was no quick fix, if there was one thing Betty had learned over the past four months of grieving the loss of her beautiful, Indian man, it was that only time could heal and it took as long as it took. 

If she saw him on her game or he commented on a friends wall in Facebook, her heart would still skip a beat, and if he stayed a while, her heart would race as fast as the day they fell in love. If she read an old letter, the sinking feeling would return, so she didn’t read his letters, she asked their mutual friends not to mention him and while she didn’t wish him any harm, she wasn’t wishing him the love of another woman in his life, either. 

  

Together, Yatish and Betty had bent space and time to be together, and while their love making only existed in their minds, their love for each other existed in their hearts. Giving up Yatish was the hardest thing Betty had had to come to terms with since becoming a wife and mother. She thought about Yatish’s declaration of love and his willingness to wait for her until her responsibilities as a mother freed her to be with him. She knew this was unrealistic, that when such a time would come to pass, he would be holding a child of his own in his arms. She remembered the loving words of her old sweetheart she had reached out to while she was wallowing in the depths of despair: “The belief there is one person for us is an illusion brought about by love”. Yatish’s love for Betty was warm and gentle, yet she had toughened her heart from the grief of losing him. Betty had asked him once if he would be gentle with her, he replied, “Gentle is monotonous, gentle, harsh, caring, uncaring, cold, warm, you will feel every emotion from me, good or bad”. Betty gasped, her heart was racing. “It sounds like a roller coaster ride, you must think I’m a thrill seeker Yatish,” she replied playfully. “That's the fun of it all, Betty...and no, I don’t think you are a thrill seeker but the thrill will seek you, and you wont be able to withstand it.” No truer words were ever spoken. In the days and weeks that followed, Betty could not stand it, Yatish lived up to his word, her love for him was too intense, her jealousy too vile, her insecurity too gut wrenching; and the moment when she could stand it no longer she picked up the phone at 4:30 AM and uttered the words “I can’t do this anymore.”

One day Betty will be in Mumbai, she doesn’t know if she will have the strength to resist calling him or if she will instead be too nervous and shy to even consider meeting him, he became the protagonist in her story, became a memory, he is no longer her lover nor does she believe he ever will be. For now, the story of Betty and Yatish is told.